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Show Notes
Introduction: Welcome to the Cosmic Questions, the advice column where I answer the concerns and curiosities of my community members covering a wide variety of topics including philosophy, spirituality, science, health and wellness and much more. If you like the show, and you’re interested in getting your questions answered, consider upgrading to a paid membership to support the channel and gain access to this perk as well as many others, including our Monthly Live class with Q&A, Monthly community hangout, Monthly Prize Package Giveaway and a wide variety of content including full-length books, guided meditations, workbooks and so much more. If your listening on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or other streaming services, you can find me at thecosmicman.substack.com. You can also find a direct link to my Substack at the bottom of the description.
Community Member Question: “Hey cosmic, I am unwell. Two of my cars have broke down in the past 6 months and I have been addicted to pornography for well over a year now, I feel helpless against my addictions and my thoughts continue to get darker. I think that I struggle with addiction to pornography because I saw it at such a young age and it felt good at first but got worse and worse as I tried to chase that feeling. I also believe dealing with sexual assault made my feelings toward sexuality much worse and distorted.”
Here’s My Advice
Understanding the Root of Porn Addiction: The enjoyment we get from pornography comes from three innate human and primal desires that it satisfies
Exciting sexual scenarios
Novelty or strangeness (Having a new and intense experience)
A feeling of love, connection and intimacy
Understand that when you are exploring porn you are trying to simulate the real-life versions of these experiences that we are meant to have. This is especially true for men. So when looking at curing the addiction, you need to look at the world and ask yourself how you can start experiencing the real version of these experiences.
Dealing With Your Trauma: At the heart of every addiction, is a hungry ghost. Dealing with your trauma is a painful process, but it isn’t difficult in a practical way. The body and mind are constantly trying to heal you from your dis-ease, its just that we often get in the way of that process. For a easy step-by-step process of releasing trauma consider watching my tutorial on “Grief Mapping.”
Having a Girlfriend: The energy you put into porn is the energy you would put into going out and finding a girlfriend. If you don’t have a girlfriend, why not? Is it because you’re simply in-between relationships? Is it because you don’t feel confident to get out into the dating world? Or are you disenchanted by the modern woman and the culture that surrounds dating in the western world?
If you are in between relationships, go out there and start having fun.
If you don’t think you’re good at talking to the ladies, go get good at it by messing up 1000 times. (Consider my tailored advice).
If you are disenchanted, seek out a woman that is also disenchanted with the current zeitgeist of love in the western world. Find a more traditional woman and ask yourself where these traditional women might be hanging out.
Having “Girl” Friends: The number one reason we seek porn is for human connection. I can almost guarantee that your addiction would be cured if you had a couple of nice platonic ladies in your life that you could curl up on the couch with and watch a movie with. Although the primal urges are strong, the human emotional connection is the most powerful and nourishing. Having lady friends in your life is an underrated goal in men’s lives as it also is for women. And this is also the best place to find an intimate partner. You find it when you’re not looking for it sort of thing.
If You Already Have a Girlfriend: Applying the understanding of why we watch porn, ask yourself why you feel unfulfilled in these areas of your relationship. Consider watching porn with your significant other in healthy ways and amounts.
Put Your Chi Where it Matters: The release you get from porn is a release of chi in return for a dopamine hit. Like all addiction, the dopaminergic reuptake is at its heart. The antidote to this is serotonin. So you need to be seeking more experiences that produce the productive feel good chemical. Successful endeavors, a hobby or side project you are passionate about, performing for an audience are all ways in which you will use your chi (energy) to convert work into genuine, long-lasting happiness.
Climbing out of the Hole: Combine these strategies and solve all the problems at once. You said your car broke down. Well, what a perfect opportunity to learn a new hobby and give yourself something to do. When you feel the urge to watch porn, first go out there and look at the car. Get some manuals, watch a YouTube video, troubleshoot the problem by putting a question on reddit or other question board. Become a master of the art of fixing cars.
Additionally consider getting into a workout routine. This is beneficial for all the same reasons above plus, you can use mini-workouts to again rewire the brain by replacing the desire to watch porn with ten pushups or a walk around the block. Every time you do one of these replacement behaviors you rewire your brain a little more to fire in your favor.
This works on your addiction and solves all the problems at once.
Rewiring your brain for productivity, accomplishments and prosperity using the serotonin system instead of dopamine.
Raises your value with women and makes you a desirable mate. Women love men who love things.
Puts you in a higher standard of living which will continue to present more opportunities for success, larger selections in dating and less idol time to be searching for porn.
In Conclusion
I hope this advice was helpful to you and any one else watching that has curiosities, questions, or concerns with this particular subject. Let me know in the comments how I did, including any follow up questions to clear up anything that was unclear or to take the understanding further with additional considerations that I didn’t cover.
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-The Cosmic Man
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