I don't see the same things the way that I used to
Every frame forced through a filter
35 millimeters
I look at you and I don't remember
The soft touch or closeness
Everything boils down to a primal gnosis
I don't feel you
My eyes only scan your surface
Forgive me. I've lost touch with a life thats immersive
I've lost touch with the man who loved
“The only thing I've ever known is Eros”
I understand what he meant now
I understand when you rip apart the house and divide it
You find an animal hiding
Loving animal things
Only.
You take the humanity out of me
Slowly.
.
.
.
.
.
The otherwise pure you. The pure feeling. The rawness of being. Grabbing you by your chin and cheeks and shaking your face because I love you so much. I don't feel that sensation anymore. Like my heart was replaced by my spine. Everything is electric and fleeting. I can't muster up that warmth like baths or sweaters or wood stoves when I think of you or her or her or her. It's just this plastic screen that separates me from the past. Is this what growing up feels like? To no longer love? To only lust or find practicality in our encounters? I lament such a curse of aging then. I miss being young if for any good reason you'd miss something you can never have. I miss being excited about sitting next to you. And nothing more. Just sitting next to you. Because I love you.
My memory fades.
I'm sorry, do I know you? Have we met? You look familiar. Yes, you remind me of someone. An old friend. Someone I loved. Whatever that means.